From 5a7bf04adacea1e9491670d9bf84b6f2c4ed8448 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: Thomas Thurman Date: Fri, 21 Aug 2009 21:10:07 -0400 Subject: [PATCH 1/1] Now we can do UTF-8, here are smart quotes and ellipses. --- non-kitten-items.rfk | 82 +++++++++++++++++++++++++------------------------- 1 file changed, 41 insertions(+), 41 deletions(-) diff --git a/non-kitten-items.rfk b/non-kitten-items.rfk index 5431d0b..01614ee 100644 --- a/non-kitten-items.rfk +++ b/non-kitten-items.rfk @@ -3,7 +3,7 @@ Version: 1.0 Name: Canonical non-kitten items Note: These headers are ignored in the current implementation -"I pity the fool who mistakes me for kitten!", sez Mr. T. +“I pity the fool who mistakes me for kitten!”, sez Mr. T. That's just an old tin can. It's an altar to the horse god. A box of dancing mechanical pencils. They dance! They sing! @@ -13,14 +13,14 @@ A digital clock. It's stuck at 2:17 PM. That's just a charred human corpse. I don't know what that is, but it's not kitten. An empty shopping bag. Paper or plastic? -Could it be... a big ugly bowling trophy? +Could it be… a big ugly bowling trophy? A coat hanger hovers in thin air. Odd. Not kitten, just a packet of Kool-Aid(tm). A freshly-baked pumpkin pie. A lone, forgotten comma, sits here, sobbing. ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND CARPET FIBERS!!!!! It's Richard Nixon's nose! -It's Lucy Ricardo. "Aaaah, Ricky!", she says. +It's Lucy Ricardo. “Aaaah, Ricky!”, she says. You stumble upon Bill Gates' stand-up act. Just an autographed copy of the Kama Sutra. It's the Will Rogers Highway. Who was Will Rogers, anyway? @@ -29,16 +29,16 @@ Leonard Richardson is here, asking people to lick him. It's a stupid mask, fashioned after a beagle. Your State Farm Insurance(tm) representative! It's the local draft board. -Seven 1/4" screws and a piece of plastic. +Seven 1/4″ screws and a piece of plastic. An 80286 machine. -One of those stupid "Homes of the Stars" maps. -A signpost saying "TO KITTEN". It points in no particular direction. +One of those stupid “Homes of the Stars” maps. +A signpost saying “TO KITTEN”. It points in no particular direction. A hammock stretched between a tree and a volleyball pole. A Texas Instruments of Destruction calculator. It's a dark, amphorous blob of matter. Just a pincushion. It's a mighty zombie talking about some love and prosperity. -"Dear robot, you may have already won our 10 MILLION DOLLAR prize..." +“Dear robot, you may have already won our 10 MILLION DOLLAR prize…” It's just an object. A mere collection of pixels. A badly dented high-hat cymbal lies on its side here. @@ -51,8 +51,8 @@ A glorious fan of peacock feathers. It's some compromising photos of Babar the Elephant. A copy of the Weekly World News. Watch out for the chambered nautilus! It's the proverbial wet blanket. -A "Get Out of Jail Free" card. -An incredibly expensive "Mad About You" collector plate. +A “Get Out of Jail Free” card. +An incredibly expensive “Mad About You” collector plate. Paul Moyer's necktie. A haircut and a real job. Now you know where to get one! An automated robot-hater. It frowns disapprovingly at you. @@ -68,7 +68,7 @@ A shameless plug for Maemo. A shameless plug for the UCLA Linux Users Group: http://linux.ucla.edu/ A can of Spam Lite. This is another fine mess you've gotten us into, Stanley. -It's scenery for "Waiting for Godot". +It's scenery for “Waiting for Godot”. This grain elevator towers high above you. A Mentos wrapper. It's the constellation Pisces. @@ -93,7 +93,7 @@ This was no boating accident! Wait! This isn't the poker chip! You've been tricked! DAMN YOU, MENDEZ! A livery stable! Get your livery! It's a perpetual immobility machine. -"On this spot in 1962, Henry Winkler was sick." +“On this spot in 1962, Henry Winkler was sick.” There's nothing here; it's just an optical illusion. The World's Biggest Motzah Ball! A tribe of cannibals lives here. They eat Malt-O-Meal for breakfast, you know. @@ -105,14 +105,14 @@ It's the horizon. Now THAT'S weird. A vase full of artificial flowers is stuck to the floor here. A large snake bars your way. A pair of saloon-style doors swing slowly back and forth here. -It's an ordinary bust of Beethoven... but why is it painted green? -It's TV's lovable wisecracking Crow! "Bite me!", he says. +It's an ordinary bust of Beethoven… but why is it painted green? +It's TV's lovable wisecracking Crow! “Bite me!”, he says. Hey, look, it's war. What is it good for? Absolutely nothing. Say it again. It's the amazing self-referential thing that's not kitten. A flamboyant feather boa. Now you can dress up like Carol Channing! -"Sure hope we get some rain soon," says Farmer Joe. -"How in heck can I wash my neck if it ain't gonna rain no more?" asks Farmer Al. -"Topsoil's all gone, ma," weeps Lil' Greg. +“Sure hope we get some rain soon,” says Farmer Joe. +“How in heck can I wash my neck if it ain't gonna rain no more?” asks Farmer Al. +“Topsoil's all gone, ma,” weeps Lil' Greg. This is a large brown bear. Oddly enough, it's currently peeing in the woods. A team of arctic explorers is camped here. This object here appears to be Louis Farrakhan's bow tie. @@ -130,7 +130,7 @@ This object is like an analogy. It's a symbol. You see in it a model for all symbols everywhere. The object pushes back at you. A traffic signal. It appears to have been recently vandalized. -"There is no kitten!" cackles the old crone. You are shocked by her blasphemy. +“There is no kitten!” cackles the old crone. You are shocked by her blasphemy. This is a Lagrange point. Don't come too close now. The dirty old tramp bemoans the loss of his harmonica. Look, it's Fanny the Irishman! @@ -148,14 +148,14 @@ Plenty of nothing. Look at that, it's the Crudmobile. Just Walter Mattheau and Jack Lemmon. Two crepes, two crepes in a box. -An autographed copy of "Primary Colors", by Anonymous. +An autographed copy of “Primary Colors”, by Anonymous. Another rabbit? That's three today! It's a segmentation fault. Core dumped, by the way. A historical marker showing the actual location of /dev/null. Thar's Mobius Dick, the convoluted whale. Arrr! It's a charcoal briquette, smoking away. A pizza, melting in the sun. -It's a "HOME ALONE 2: Lost in New York" novelty cup. +It's a “HOME ALONE 2: Lost in New York” novelty cup. A stack of 7 inch floppies wobbles precariously. It's nothing but a corrupted floppy. Coaster anyone? A section of glowing phosphor cells sings a song of radiation to you. @@ -164,11 +164,11 @@ A toilet bowl occupies this space. This peg-leg is stuck in a knothole! It's a solitary vaccuum tube. This corroded robot is clutching a mitten. -"Hi, I'm Anson Williams, TV's 'Potsy'." +“Hi, I'm Anson Williams, TV's 'Potsy'.” This subwoofer was blown out in 1974. Three half-pennies and a wooden nickel. -It's the missing chapter to "A Clockwork Orange". -It's a burrito stand flyer. "Taqueria El Ranchito". +It's the missing chapter to “A Clockwork Orange”. +It's a burrito stand flyer. “Taqueria El Ranchito”. This smiling family is happy because they eat LARD. Roger Avery, persona un famoso de los Estados Unidos. Ne'er but a potted plant. @@ -176,50 +176,50 @@ A parrot, kipping on its back. A forgotten telephone switchboard. A forgotten telephone switchboard operator. It's an automated robot-disdainer. It pretends you're not there. -It's a portable hole. A sign reads: "Closed for the winter". +It's a portable hole. A sign reads: “Closed for the winter”. Just a moldy loaf of bread. A little glass tub of Carmex. ($.89) Too bad you have no lips. A Swiss-Army knife. All of its appendages are out. (toothpick lost) It's a zen simulation, trapped within an ASCII character. -It's a copy of "The Rubaiyat of Spike Schudy". -It's "War and Peace" (unabridged, very small print). +It's a copy of “The Rubaiyat of Spike Schudy”. +It's “War and Peace” (unabridged, very small print). A willing, ripe tomato bemoans your inability to digest fruit. A robot comedian. You feel amused. It's KITT, the talking car. Here's Pete Peterson. His batteries seem to have long gone dead. -"Blup, blup, blup", says the mud pot. +“Blup, blup, blup”, says the mud pot. More grist for the mill. Grind 'em up, spit 'em out, they're twigs. The boom box cranks out an old Ethel Merman tune. -It's "Finding kitten", published by O'Reilly and Associates. +It's “Finding kitten”, published by O'Reilly and Associates. Pumpkin pie spice. It's the Bass-Matic '76! Mmm, that's good bass! -"Lend us a fiver 'til Thursday", pleas Andy Capp. +“Lend us a fiver 'til Thursday”, pleas Andy Capp. It's a tape of '70s rock. All original hits! All original artists! You've found the fabled America Online disk graveyard! Empty jewelboxes litter the landscape. It's the astounding meta-object. -Ed McMahon stands here, lost in thought. Seeing you, he bellows, "YES SIR!" -...thingy??? +Ed McMahon stands here, lost in thought. Seeing you, he bellows, “YES SIR!” +…thingy??? It's 1000 secrets the government doesn't want you to know! The letters O and R. -A magical... magic thing. +A magical… magic thing. It's a moment of silence. It's Sirhan-Sirhan, looking guilty. -It's "Chicken Soup for the Kitten-seeking Soulless Robot." +It's “Chicken Soup for the Kitten-seeking Soulless Robot.” It is a set of wind-up chatter teeth. It is a cloud shaped like an ox. You see a snowflake here, melting slowly. It's a big block of ice. Something seems to be frozen inside it. Vladimir Lenin's casket rests here. -It's a copy of "Zen and The Art of Robot Maintenance". +It's a copy of “Zen and The Art of Robot Maintenance”. This invisible box contains a pantomime horse. -A mason jar lies here open. Its label reads: "do not open!". +A mason jar lies here open. Its label reads: “do not open!”. A train of thought chugs through here. This jar of pickles expired in 1957. Someone's identity disk lies here. -"Yes!" says the bit. -"No!" says the bit. +“Yes!” says the bit. +“No!” says the bit. A dodecahedron bars your way. Mr. Hooper is here, surfing. It's a big smoking fish. @@ -232,8 +232,8 @@ It's a Dvorak keyboard. It's a cardboard box full of 8-tracks. Just a broken hard drive containg the archives of Nerth Pork. A broken metronome sits here, its needle off to one side. -A sign reads: "Go home!" -A sign reads: "No robots allowed!" +A sign reads: “Go home!” +A sign reads: “No robots allowed!” It's the handheld robotfindskitten game, by Tiger. This particular monstrosity appears to be ENIAC. This is a tasty-looking banana creme pie. @@ -242,13 +242,13 @@ Just the empty husk of a locust. You disturb a murder of crows. It's a copy of the robotfindskitten EULA. It's Death. -It's an autographed copy of "Secondary Colors," by Bob Ross. +It's an autographed copy of “Secondary Colors,” by Bob Ross. It is a marzipan dreadnought that appears to have melted and stuck. -It's a DVD of "Crouching Monkey, Hidden Kitten", region encoded for the moon. +It's a DVD of “Crouching Monkey, Hidden Kitten”, region encoded for the moon. It's Kieran Hervold. Damn dyslexia! A non-descript box of crackers. Carbonated Water, High Fructose Corn Syrup, Color, Phosphoric Acid, Flavors, Caffeine. -"Move along! Nothing to see here!" +“Move along! Nothing to see here!” It's the embalmed corpse of Vladimir Lenin. A coupon for one free steak-fish at your local family diner. A set of keys to a 2001 Rolls Royce. Worthless. -- 1.7.9.5